Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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