It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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