That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
