a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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