why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
