Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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