I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize