How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
