I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
