I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
