I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
