I just pynch a tree in the face
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
