You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
