Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
