just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
