You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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