Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You pole danced in your parka.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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