Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
