I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I checked into jail on foursquare
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
