It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize