You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize