just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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