got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize