Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So drunk its hurt
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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