I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
