k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
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