My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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