Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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