Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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