Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
