So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
