i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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