I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
