Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize