I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
