Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
thus making me awesome and them whores
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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