whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize