So drunk its hurt
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
