my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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