While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
