it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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