I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
