and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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