had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
