Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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