Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
