I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
