I must be too annoying 4 u.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
