I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
