a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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