hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
