Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
