Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
