You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
