I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
