Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
