there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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