planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
