k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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