they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize