on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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