margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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