just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
