they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
