i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
