Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
