I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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